I found myself thinking about the idea of a bucket list, and I began to wonder whether most bucket lists are actually about living well or about consuming experiences. Many of the lists one sees are really lists of places to visit, restaurants to eat in, or things to try once. That might be enjoyable, but it does not necessarily feel like a way of thinking about a life as a whole. It seems to me that a more useful way to think about a bucket list might be to treat it as a rough plan for the kinds of experiences, work, relationships, and contributions that might make a life feel complete when one looks back on it.
I started to notice that many of the things people regret later in life are not things they did, but things they never quite got round to doing. Research on regret suggests that people often regret inaction more than action, especially in areas such as relationships, education, travel, and personal projects (Gilovich & Medvec, 1995). That makes me think that a bucket list might really be a way of noticing what one keeps postponing. The unfinished projects and unattempted journeys may carry more emotional weight than the mistakes.
I also find myself thinking about what people say near the end of life. The common regrets are not usually about not owning enough or not travelling first class. They are more often about working too much, not keeping in touch with people, not expressing feelings, and not living in a way that felt true to oneself (Ware, 2012). Whether or not every example is reliable research, the pattern feels believable. It suggests that relationships, meaningful work, and honesty with oneself might matter more than spectacular experiences.
This connects with broader ideas about meaning in life. Frankl argued that meaning often comes from work, love, and the way one faces difficulty rather than from comfort or pleasure alone (Frankl, 2004). More recent psychology, such as Seligman’s work on wellbeing, also suggests that a good life tends to include engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment, not just enjoyment (Seligman, 2011). When I think about this, it makes sense that a bucket list might include journeys, creative work, learning, important conversations, and some form of contribution that lasts beyond one’s own lifetime.
So perhaps a bucket list is not really a list of things to do before death. It might be better understood as a list of things that might help one live more deliberately now. It could be less about excitement and more about direction. In that sense, the list is not really about the future at all. It is really a way of deciding how to live the present.
References
Frankl, V. E. (2004). Man’s search for meaning. Rider. ISBN 9781844132393
Gilovich, T., & Medvec, V. H. (1995). The experience of regret: What, when, and why. Psychological Review, 102(2), 379–395. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.102.2.379
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press. ISBN 9781439190760
Ware, B. (2012). The top five regrets of the dying. Hay House. ISBN 9781848509993